so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this just has baby written all over it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
