you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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