i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize