If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
