He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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