Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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