I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You work out of a Hotel?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
