eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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