I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize