I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
