Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
