new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
