Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
