my shit smells like andre
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
