I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
