omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
