you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
