we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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