I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
