look no pants
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
two words...techno handjob
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
