i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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