I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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