she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
