I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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