Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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