you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
