When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
