It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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