he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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