I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
