woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
