when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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