Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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