my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
