She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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