Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
