he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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