Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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