There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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