Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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