filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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