i jhust puked up my retainher.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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