im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
