im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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