He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
