Sponge bath it is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
