I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
PANTIES FOUND
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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