The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
