I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize