So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
