2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
