I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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