Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
