just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
