You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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