I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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