grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
