pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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