You smell like a Billy Joel song
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize