Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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