I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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