I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
