Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
