What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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