yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
